A Drowned Reputation

The Gift of Others Getting Us Wrong

“A lucky sea drowned his reputation.”

—Thomas Merton

Not only is it normal to care about one’s reputation; it’s actually sane. This cliché in positivist American self-help spirituality that “what other people think of me is none of my business” needs qualification. As an esteemed psychologist friend explains, someone who truly doesn’t care what others think is almost the definition of a psychotic narcissist.

I get the deeper intent of that saying. It’s especially self-destructive to live for the perception of others’ perceptions. As with most spiritual growth, though, I can’t overcome such judgement in theory. It’s only by suffering the slings and arrows of disproving gazes that I seem to grow.